Living with diabetes

Check your equipment – sometimes it’s your head, sometimes it’s your meter

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Learn. It lightens the load

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My desire in doing this work is to help people live more successfully with diabetes. For me that means you know how to: 1) manage your blood sugars through food, fitness and medicine and 2) manage the emotions of living with a chronic illness. Given my nature, I’m more drawn to the psycho-social aspect.

In general, the attitude we bring to our diabetes and how we cope. I’m also drawn to how we create happiness and contentment in life and curious whether diabetes impacts our happiness quotient. I have heard now from most people that diabetes hasn’t really changed their level of happiness. Many, in fact, tell me that it has enriched their lives, impelling them to reach out to help others and appreciate their blessings. Nice huh? This morning, however, I was brought quickly out of the clouds as I took my first out-of-bed reading.

I extracted a test strip and put it in my One Touch Ultra meter, pricked my index finger and got a reading of 144. Well, 144 isn’t terrible, but it isn’t my usual 98 or 85 or 68. Surprised and perplexed I tested again. Second prick – 113. Now with two numbers so different, I did a third test – 112. OK, now I could pretty much trust the latter two tests. Before I go any further let me first address those of you saying, “What’s she complaining about, I’d be happy with 144!” Well I’m not complaining, but I want to share something worth remembering – sometimes diabetes involves managing your head, and sometimes, managing your equipment.

If your blood sugar reading seems out of line, it may not be correct. It’s worth doing a second test, or a third. When I saw 144 I first thought, hmmm, I did eat a little cheese and fruit before going to bed. Darn, I knew I should have gotten up and covered it with extra insulin but I just didn’t feel like it. Then again, would a slice of Manchego and a few strawberries really spike me 50 points? Seems unlikely. So I thought what else could have caused this? And then I realized that when the blood crept up the test strip on that first test it didn’t completely fill the strip. This is likely why I got a false read. 

Your blood sugars won’t always make sense. There are just too many variables going on in your body for diabetes to be a perfect science. However, the more you test the more you’ll get to know how food, exercise and medicine typically affect your blood sugars and that’s valuable information. Particularly when something doesn’t seem right. If your numbers in general don’t make sense, do what every other TV commercial today tells you to do, “Talk to your doctor.” If an occasional number doesn’t make sense, think what could be the cause. It may avert an action, like an extra dose of insulin, that will cause an even bigger problem. Believe me I’ve been there too.

Each side of the needle

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I typically perform my diabetes tasks in public as necessary, like taking an injection at the table in a restaurant, no big deal, no fanfare. I’m so smooth in fact, taking out vial and syringe, putting the syringe in the vial, drawing up my dose, checking for air bubbles, pulling a tuck of shirt out and injecting that generally no one notices until I put the stuff back in my bag. So I was utterly surprised and truthfully thrown when, while seated at Orlando airport having just stuck the needle in my stomach, a woman and her young son were standing directly in front of me staring in what looked like horror. I quickly thought this is something she doesn’t want her young son to see, she thinks I’m a junkie……. So I apologized profusely, partly for what she was viewing, and then realizing I was in her seat. 

I moved a few rows away with the shadow of ‘evil’ hanging over me. I felt I had done something wrong. According to my diabetes etiquette book, I shouldn’t ‘shoot up’ without first checking that no one will see. Well at least not from the vantage point of standing right on top of me. A few moments later when clarity of mind returned I had a different thought.

I wished I had told her, “Don’t worry, I have diabetes. I’m taking insulin, and yes, I’m moving out of your seat as soon as I get this needle out of my stomach, sorry.” My overriding feeling was this stranger now branded me irresponsible, and that is so far from the truth it disturbed me. My underriding feeling was what must it have looked like to her? It’s so out of the ordinary to see people with diabetes injecting (that’s a whole ‘nother issue isn’t it?) kind of like women breast feeding, that I couldn’t blame her for her dismay and I wondered what it felt like to be on her side of the needle. 

Then I recalled two instances when I was on ‘the other side of the needle’ so to speak. The first was while interviewing a young woman I’d met at a support group. During our interview sitting on her couch in her apartment she took out her meter and pricked her finger. When she pressed to get a fair sized drop of blood, I felt queasy. “Huh?” you say. You’ll say it again when I tell you that I check my own blood sugar between four and seven times a day. But looking from the outside in, it was a little nauseating. 

My second experience was interviewing a type 1 woman over the phone whom I’d never met. I called her as we’d arranged and she wasn’t home. I called again fifteen minutes later and she told me something about losing her cell phone. Already I’m thinking maybe a little irresponsible? Yes, apparently responsibility is a big one for me. As we began to talk her verbal responses were delayed, her speech slurred. I thought she was intoxicated. It went on for five long minutes until I realized she was having a hypoglycemic episode and then I immediately asked her if I should call 911 or if she had someone there? She told me her boyfriend was there and I heard him approach. I hung up and said we’d reschedule.

Phone down, my heart was racing. I’ve had low blood sugar episodes, many, the ones just like hers where you’re not making much sense. Yet I didn’t recognize it in her and when I did it rattled me. I have never experienced someone else going through it, as my husband has witnessing me go through it so many times, and I realized how frightening it can be. So why do I tell you all this? Why do I risk sounding so utterly thick and insensitive?

We know how poorly informed the general public is about diabetes, what it is and what it is to live with. We know how many people think we’re just supposed to not eat candy or that we have no willpower or why are we complaining, it’s “just a little sugar.” But here I am, the informed, experienced, living with diabetes person, and looking from the outside in rather than the inside out, I had a whole different experience. What I saw, sensed and heard shook me a little. Then it shocked me that it shook me. 

Interesting isn’t it? When you choose to look from the other side you can see what others are seeing. So maybe we can do more educating as the opportunity arises rather than reacting. I would go back now and tell that woman in the Orlando airport what I thought to tell her minutes later. I could always try of course, air travel being what it is she may still be there. Or maybe I’ll look for the next opportunity. It’s hard to know what it looks like, feels like, seems like from the other side when you’re always inside. Maybe that’s all I mean to say.